


The Discards

by Omoni



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Gen, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-10-24
Updated: 2011-05-02
Packaged: 2017-10-12 20:58:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/129008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Omoni/pseuds/Omoni
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You know how there's a million fics about Zutara and Tokka, and how there never seems to be any mention of the ones they left behind? Well, this is a fic featuring ONLY the ones they left behind. Mai-Aang-Suki friendship fic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Breaking Up Is Easy To Do

**Author's Note:**

> Writer's Note: As a hearty canon shipper, I have no idea what possessed me to venture into this thorny patch of fanon, but I must say it had to be done. This is probably the only fic that I'll ever write that features these pairings... so enjoy it while you can.
> 
> Note: Occurs post-series and contains spoilers.

"I do love this drink," Mai found herself saying rather slowly, her voice more toneless than usual. It was as if alcohol dulled her even further, if such a thing were possible. According to Zuko, there was no such thing in the world that was duller than her.

 _Maybe I hadn't sharpened my knives on him enough..._

The wary barkeep merely flickered her eyes over to her in response to her declaration, keeping a careful distance while trying to appear nearby. Mai couldn't blame her... _too_ much. While she was pretty sure no one knew who she was, she also knew that she was a rather volatile drunk. And while she wasn't drunk yet, she also knew that she was close to it.

It wasn't _her_ fault. She would have _never_ seen it coming - not for a million miles and a million years. She had always, _always_ , thought that she and Zuko clicked, that they were more compatible than shore and ocean wave, but apparently she still lacked. She knew this because a mere ten hours, forty minutes and fifteen seconds ago, her once love-of-her-life admitted to her with only a trace of shame that he had been carrying on an affair with Katara - _Katara, of all of the women in the world -_ and that he wanted to divorce Mai and make Katara his Firelady.

Mai was blunt about it at first. "Make her a concubine," she had stated flatly.

Zuko didn't take that well. Neither did Katara. Mai personally didn't see the problem, since it was a perfectly reasonable suggestion; Zuko would get what he wanted, and Mai would get what _she_ wanted, albeit shared a little.

But, _noooo_ , apparently this was "true love", one that had been "smoldering" some such stupid thing in the past, having to do with lipstick pirates, and it was pointless to deny it any further.

Thus, Katara was in, and Mai was out.

The thing was, Mai had options. She could always head to where her parents and brother were and haunt them, maybe help her father with some of the more thorny political situations, now that she had a full half-decade under her belt, and right from the source. But when she seriously considered it, it soured her insides more than the Earth Kingdom swill she was being served, so she passed on it... for now.

Now? Now she had no idea where exactly in the Earth Kingdom she _was_. She was pretty damned sure still that no one knew her, but she also felt as if they all knew she was recently dumped. By her childhood sweetheart, her one true love, her first _everything..._ for one of her closest friends, who hadn't told her a thing.

Mai scowled into her mug, noting that she could now see the bottom of it. "The cup is empty," she snapped, glaring up at the aloof barkeep. The poor girl started, then rushed to fill the mug, obviously willing to deal with a drunk Mai over a furious one.

Mai sipped, closing her eyes and propping her cheek on her hand. If she imagined hard enough, she could picture a thousand knives landing right into an apologetic Zuko... right in the crotch.

* * *

Most of the Warriors knew better than to get within a hundred feet of Suki when she was sparring. But if any of them were unlucky enough to get close enough for her to notice them there, well... that was their bad luck.

It had been like this for over a year, ever since Suki recieved a hawk and a mysteriously letter within it. She had read it, frowned, read it again, then ripped into tiny pieces and let the wind carry it away, before walking into her house and slamming the door. Many of the villagers tried to grab up enough pieces of it before she noticed so that they could get the gist of what it said, but the wind had been rather enthusiastic that day, and there were no answers to be found.

Since then, Suki never left Kyoshi Island. For four years she had been a hearty traveller, making sure she was present for the major festivals and events that only she could lead. For the rest of the time, she divided it between Kyoshi and the Souther Water Tribe - where everyone knew that Sokka, her wartime boyfriend, lived.

It didn't take long for some of Suki's closest friends to put the two together, but Suki wouldn't come out and admit it herself, even with Ty Lee, with whom she'd grown close to.

"Suki," Ty Lee tried once, in the middle of the night, when she had gotten up for some fresh air and noticed the dojo was lit with candlelight. "Why don't you just talk about it?"

Suki said nothing, her lips clamped shut, her entire body covered in a sheen of sweat. She had obviously been working out for hours, and looked as if she could for hours more. She tumbled and swooped up and down the dojo, her forms flawless and practised, her moves not marred by her obvious rage.

"If you let it out it'll feel better," Ty Lee went on, not moving an inch from her place in the doorway. She knew the rule - if she stepped in Suki's way, she was fair game. "Everyone is really worried about you. You always stress how important sleep is, and -,"

Suki stopped, her hands out. Her head jerked towards Ty Lee, her eyes narrowed and bright. "Are you going to spar or yap?" she snarled suddenly, her voice so tight that Ty Lee started.

"Uh," the other girl stammered. "Yap?"

"Then _get out_ ," Suki answered in a tone that Ty Lee had never heard before. It was one that was furious, but also laced with deep and incurable hurt. Wordlessly, Ty Lee bowed to her, then backed out. Suki ignored this, once more going back to her forms.

Since then, no one had tried to console her. They figured her anger would burn up, she would grieve through the Long Nights, and then she would be normal.

But the winter past and she still burned with her fury. She still fought and fought - and fought and fought - that invisible demon that was always before her, never winning, never losing. She was civil enough when she needed to be, curt when she grew tired or impatient, and any other spare time was spent in the dojo. Most people figured that she probably lived there, now.

On the eve before the fifth Comet Festival, when the world celebrated the victory of the Avatar over Firelord Ozai, Suki suddenly vanished. Ty Lee and the other Warriors split up and looked everywhere for her, but they couldn't find her. All they found was a note, with the hastily-scribbled characters saying, "Gone traveling. Be back whenever. Suki."

* * *

Aang had been though a lot of hardships in his seventeen years of living.

He had had to deal with the reality of being the last of his people. Had to stumble across the remains of his father figure, had to accept that that was his new reality. He had to deal with the guilt of a hundred years of hiding while millions of people died. He had to shoulder the weight of the newborn peace, had to accept all responsibility of anything that had gone wrong.

Through it all, his partner had been Katara. She had watched him grow up, thrown her arms around him to hold him up and support him. She had held his hand, healed his wounds, kissed his pain away.

But always her eyes drifted. Always her head was tilted towards somewhere else. Her answers were never difinitive to questions that required difinitive answers. While for the first two years he had considered himself lucky to have her all there, those last three were hard to deal with.

It was like living a lie, like trying to keep smoke in his hand. It was chasing a dream, yearning for everything he felt he deserved, and yet knowing when to step away and make sure that, even now, the two people he loved most in the world were truly happy.

 _But happy together?_ He would have never guessed it would have happened if someone had asked him. _We're all just close, such close friends. We have a history._

 _A history of lies..._

A cold nose nudged his ear, dragging him from his reverie. The quiet of the night flooded his senses as he surfaced from his meditation, Momo's hunger waking him reluctantly. The ring of candles surrounding him were the only lights in the whole Southern Air Temple - his home, his refuge, his hole-in-the-wall.

Aang sighed. Momo crawled into his lap and nosed him again, this time on the arm, and Aang petted him, still a little out of it. He was hungry, too, but he was still feeling that ache, the ache he had been nursing for what felt like years now, when really it was only days. With a brief shutting of his eyes, he scooped Momo up in his arms and went to feed him, waving a hand and extinguishing the flames.

After, he saddled Appa and packed a small bag of spare clothes and fruit. He was frowning, his mind already miles away, but he couldn't help but feel a faint tinge of guilt at his plans. _The monks always taught us never to indulge too much in food and drink_ , he thought grimly.

But then, the monks he had be taught by had never been the Avatar, and had never had to reasess his life's teachings - even now.

With a set jaw, he jumped up into Appa's saddle and grunted out a curt, "Yip-yip." With Momo perched on his head, he and Appa flew towards the Earth Kingdom with no set destination in mind. He just needed to... _go and get_.


	2. It Takes a While to Come Together...

Mai usually didn't get horrible hangovers. She was oddly blessed with the kind of body that took the assault of alcohol well enough at the time and felt the need to recover quickly once water replaced the offending liquid. The few times that she had gotten drunk - either with Zuko or Ty Lee - she had woken up the next day to find herself dehydrated but lacking the usual headache and need to vomit.

The morning she woke up to find herself in a foreign bed in a foreign place, she realised that this time, she wasn't so lucky. Her entire mouth tasted like sawdust wrapped in cotton, and her head was one huge throbbing pain with hair on it. When she opened her eyes, she winced and shut them, the dim light peeking from underneath the rough curtains too much to bear. However, on the heels of that discomfort came the all-told nausea, and she lurched from the bed and scrabbled for the closest thing she could puke into - which ended up being an empty drawer.

 _This wasn't fair_ , she thought grimly, wiping her mouth and sitting on the floor. It wasn't fair, and it wasn't classy, and if Mai could never be both she tried to be at least one or the other. Now she was neither, and it hurt. _What is wrong with me, getting worked up like this over some guy?_

She made a face at that, resting her chin on her knees and wrapping her arms around her folded legs. Zuko wasn't "some guy", but it helped to put things into that mentality. It was akin to a splash of cold water, really, since for the first time in her life, she was really at a loss – she had no idea what to do with herself.

 _One thing is for sure,_ she thought sourly, reaching out and pushing the soggy drawer shut, _I can't live like this._

 _  
_

* * *

_  
_

* * *

Suki reached the shores of Chin just as the sun was breaking through the clouds. She watched it with a wistfulness she hadn't felt in years, and she wondered dimly what it was like to be a cloud.

It didn't last. She made a face at such a thought, changing it to a scowl as one of the villagers sent her a confused look. _Clouds don't have to worry about being cheated on, though_ , she thought grumpily. _Clouds don't have to expect their lovers to stay faithful; or, in the very least,_ break up with them first _before going to someone else – and then breaking up in a_ letter.

She should have known, really. Out of anyone, she should have expected something as stupid as this from Sokka. While he was a fierce warrior and a brilliant scientist, he was a moron when it came to feelings and emotions. It probably never occurred to him until the last minute to let her know that he wasn't coming back, and the letter was probably an afterthought.

But really, was it took much to expect that he would think of her as more than that? She tried to look at it objectively, especially since a year had passed since the letter had come. But when she tried, her emotions got tangled into any thought she had, and she couldn't do it – she still got angry and hurt.

 _Objectively_ , she possibly _could understand_ a _little shred_ of where he was coming from. After all, hadn't Toph spent most of three years traveling the world and learning new things? Hadn't she become a hardened warrior in the process? And, damn it all, _hadn't she grown up into something spectacular?_ No one would have guessed that Toph would grow up and become a knock-out – albeit a dirty and unkempt one – but she had, and Sokka had noticed. Suki should have really seen it all coming, because _really, since when was Sokka immune to hot girls?_

No one bothered her as she walked through Chin. It was still early, so only a few sleepy merchants were awake to get a start on the day, but even they took no real notice of her, since she had decided not to go in full Kyoshi uniform. She was sure that if she had, she would hear about it, no matter what Aang said about "making Chin see the light".

 _Oh, yeah – Aang. I wonder how everyone is? I've been sort of in my own world for the past year…_

As she left Chin, her mind lingered on that thought.

* * *

Aang woke to the pleasant sound of the birds chirping a greeting to the rising sun. He was surprised – when was the last time he had slept through a sunrise since becoming a firebender?

But then, just how often had he woke to find himself dumped by the woman of his dreams, for his best friend in the whole world?

Aang sighed, sitting up slowly and rubbing his eyes. His movement brought Momo out of his own sleep, and he chittered a complaint before curling up into another ball and returning to his slumber. Aang stared at him, envying this.

He knew it was foolish to mope and sulk about what had happened. After all, what was done was done, and there was really no going back from it. Nothing he could do or say would change anyone's mind, so why dwell on it at all?

 _Because I'm still in love with her?_ He answered his thoughts back. _Because I still want to be with her?_

But then his mind suddenly offered him a dose of reality, which no one in love ever likes to have given to them.

Things hadn't been roses and moonbeams all the time for Aang and Katara – he knew that. Katara was focused on helping rebuild her home, while Aang was busy traveling and making due with other places in the world that needed him. For the most part, they saw each other in passing moments, fleeting moments that didn't last long enough for either of them. This had gone on for about a year and a half.

When Katara finally felt comfortable with how things were for the Water Tribes, she accepted Aang's offer to stay in the Air Temple with him when he was there, and travel at his side when he wasn't. For a while, it was almost like a honeymoon; they traveled the world, together seeing new and exciting things, everything tinted with the rose-coloured fantasy of love.

That only lasted a few months. After a while, Katara started dragging her heels, offering comments about how nice it would be to settle down in a place of their own. Aang was a little miffed – after all, he never made it secret that he was a nomad – but for her, he complied. They went back to the Air Temple, set on making a life together.

Aang slid off of Appa's back, walking to the bison's head and giving him a huge hug, one that got a short groan of appreciation in reply. He sighed into Appa's fur, shutting his eyes. He had been willing to give up a lot for her in the end, but she was still restless. Nothing he could do could fix that. He would always be lacking.

And now he knew why.

There was no comfort in being played a fool for so long, and he wondered just how long he had been played. It was at that moment, with a surprised jolt, that he realised that he _wasn't_ the only one in the world feeling this kind of pain right now.

 _That's right… Mai and Zuko are still married. Mai must be feeling this way, too._

He thought of Mai then, wondered how she was holding up. _Probably with lots of sharp objects and targets shaped like Zuko,_ he thought with a grim smile. He remembered how her whole life had been shaped for Zuko, and everything she did had been for him. _So where is she now?_

Aang pulled away from Appa slowly, his fingers lingering on the soft fur of his head. He thought it sickly ironic that now he had all of the time and freedom in the world to travel to his heart's content.

 _Well, fine,_ he thought. _Let's travel._

 _  
_

* * *

_  
_

* * *

Mai left the inn in mid-morning, overpaying and not caring. She still had her royal chop, and she intended to use it until Zuko cancelled it or until the money ran out. It was her right, after all. _And technically we're still married, in name if not in anything else_ , she thought acidly.

The sound of her feet crunching over baked summer leaves seemed impossibly loud to her, but she dealt with it. If it meant being as far from the inn as possible before the owners found the vomit-drawer, it would be well worth the earache.

The mood of the people around her made her irritated; they were all so _happy_ , so delighted in five years of relative peace. She wanted to slap them all; didn't they realise what this day would forever mean now for _her_?

Selfish thoughts, she knew. Selfish...and yet she couldn't help it. She was mad at Zuko, mad at him for ruining things, especially things she used to like, like sunsets, and fruit tarts. Now she hated them all. She really just wanted to hate _him_.

 _I'm making myself sick,_ she realised with a roll of her eyes. It wasn't just the hangover that was making her queasy; it was the thoughts she had as well. For most of her life she had never let herself be ruled by her emotions, either by choice or otherwise. Now she was letting _only_ her emotions rule her, and it left a sour taste in her mouth, worse than the cotton-covered sawdust of the morning.

One thing was for sure, though: no matter how sick she felt now, she was never, ever going to get that drunk again, _ever_.

She caught a glimpse of a happy couple necking in front of a jewelery booth and her stomach clenched.

 _Well, maybe not_ ever...

* * *

It was Suki who found Mai first. She barely recognised the older girl, who seemed to almost be a shadow of herself and not at all like the immaculate woman she had grown to know and like. It was just outside of Chin, in a tiny hamlet, when she saw Mai's familiar figure standing a few feet away from an inn, her face dark and scowling as an amorous couple declared their intentions for one another.

Seeing Mai display emotion so openly was one thing. Seeing her scowl in the face of romance was another.

Suki made no hesitation when closing the distance between them. She called out, "Mai!", which in turn startled the other girl out of her wits and made her wince. When Mai turned and saw who it was, she relaxed, her face looking pale but grateful. "Hey," she replied back.

"What are you do all the way over here?" Suki wanted to know.

A carefully-placed blank look suddenly came over Mai's face, and her eyes dulled to something even blanker. "I was just around," she answered flatly.

"Just around?" Suki echoed. She knew a load of crap when she heard it. "This is the backwaters of the Earth Kingdom. Why would you be around here?"

Mai's eyes sparked, which relieved Suki - the blank look was too eerie. "Because I just am, okay?" she snapped, her mouth set in a snarl. "Can't I do anything without being judged for it?"

"Yes," Suki answered, nonplussed. "But I'm not judging you. I'm just _asking_ you. Mai, what the hell is wrong with you?"

For a moment, Mai's face flash with a look of pure dismay, something she couldn't cover fast enough. It was replaced with a look of sudden panic. Suki felt a bite of sudden rage and hurt in her gut; she knew all to well what that look meant, sine she had seen it every single day from her own mirror. Now everything made sense.

She put her hands on Mai's, holding the cold fingers tight. "Tell me everything," she demanded.

Mai looked about to protest, but only for a moment. Her face twisted into a mask of pure fury, and in sharp and short words she spit it all out, her hands shaking and going hot within Suki's grasp. Suki listened with growing dismay and disbelief. When she was done, the older girl was crying silently, her face still set in its angry mask.

Suki's only way to react was to hug her, hard. Mai resisted for a moment, clearly not accustomed to such a form of comfort, but then eventually relaxed, hugging back lightly. When Mai took in a deep breath and exhaled ti shakily, Suki took that as a hint to pull away.

Then she blurted, "yeah, me too."

Mai's eyes flared. "Zuko slept with _you too_?" she growled.

"No, nonono!" Suki threw her hands out in case Mai reacted with sharp things faster than she could talk. "I mean, I was dumped by a jerk, too. For someone else."

Mai blinked. "Sokka? And..." She blinked slowly. "Oh. Huh."

Suki fought the urge to sigh. _Does everyone know things before me? Was I the only one who didn't see it?_

Mai then suddenly laughed. It startled Suki. "I give them a month. She'll eat him alive."

"It's been a year," Suki answered flatly.

"Wow," Mai had the decency to look sorry. "Who could have guessed that? And why didn't you tell me?" she reached out and flicked Suki's nose. "I thought we were friends."

Suki blushed. "We are. I haven't really told _anyone_. It was too embarrassing."

Mai nodded. She apparently understood. "Are you hungry? It's on me. Or rather, it's on Zuko." She held up a chop with a royal insignia stamped on it, waving it with an impish grin.

Suki grinned in return. "Why yes, suddenly I'm feeling _very_ famished."

Mai laughed again, leading the way to the closest restaurant.

* * *

That's where Aang found them, oddly. He just walked in to the closest place for something to eat for both him and Momo after dropping Appa off at the closest stable, and his eyes instantly fell on two women that he recognised.

He knew that there was no such thing as chance in this world, especially when it came to fact that Mai was there, only hours after he thought of her, proved as much. The fact that Suki was there was a little odd, but he figured there was a reason for that, too.

With a faint smile, he gave Momo a gentle pat. "Think you would mind more company?" he wondered, his eyes fixed on the two. Momo looked up from his place around Aang's neck and gave a bored squawk, which Aang took as a no. With a soft sigh, he made his way over, wondering what fate had in store for him this time.


	3. ...But Once it Does, There's Nothing Else

Mai was trying to enlighten Suki, really. In one held was the royal chop. In the other, a glass of strong sake. Suki had her arms crossed over her chest and her lips were pressed tightly together. And this was all before Mai had even said a word, or sipped one drop. All Mai wanted was for Suki to realise the numbing benefits of such a drink, but the other girl was stubborn and refused to listen.

"You're crazy," Mai decided finally, pocketing the chop and cupping the small glass between her hands. "This is the most expensive of its kind. When will you have a chance like this again?"

"You're the one who's crazy," Suki answered coldly, surprising Mai. "Drowning your sorrows in alcohol? I thought you had more control than that. Do you have _any_ idea what that stuff does to your body? What kind of warrior are you?"

Mai stared, her eyes wide and the cup just inches from her lips. She lowered it slowly. "Good points," she admitted, feeling a slow burn of shame. _I really_ have _been using alcohol that way, haven't I?_ "Forget I mentioned it."

"Oooh, firestarter sake," a voice called out from Mai's right. The owner of said voice was suddenly looking over her shoulder, his eyes wide and his tongue out and licking his lips. "I haven't had a glass of that since I was a kid. They still make it? They always said they were going to ban it!"

"Aang!" Suki cried with a smile, leaping to her feet and hugging him with enthusiasm. Over the course of five years, they had always been friends, unconsciously drawn to each other in their shared sorrow of having spouses drift away. Despite the fact that their fears proved true, Mai noticed that that did nothing to dim the friendship.

Mai now held up the cup to Aang, who was still eyeing it. "Want? Suki has traumatised me from it."

Aang reached out and grabbed it greedily, sitting beside both of them, while Suki resumed her seat and aimed a scowl at Mai. "I did not. I merely brought up logic."

Aang sipped it, then went bright red and made choking noises, tears springing to his eyes. He set the glass down carefully and wheezed a few times before exclaiming, "Still good!"

Momo, who was perched rather cautiously upon his shoulder, eyed the offending glass warily. Mai suddenly wondered what it would be like to get a lemur drunk; _how much property damage would come from it?_

Unfortunately, Suki ruined her thread of thought by making conversation. "What are you doing here, anyway?" she wondered, cupping her chin on her hands.

Aang's eyes went to Mai's, and Mai met the gaze without flinching. She sighed, and Aang looked forlorn all of a sudden, enthusiasm for sake gone.

Suki was good enough to catch the exchange, and she cleared her throat and moved on quickly. "Are you hungry? Mai was going to treat me to some breakfast."

"You mean Zuko," Mai supplied with a grin.

Aang raised an eyebrow at this. "Oh?"

"Yep. Order to your vegetarian heart's desire."

Aang did so, much to Mai's delight. There were plenty of meatless dishes on the menu to suit his needs, and he ordered with gusto, sharing his courses with Mai, Suki, and Momo (who would only touch things with fruit in it). In turn, Mai and Suki had more sinful dishes, rich with meat and expensive sauces.

Mai was raised as minor nobility, and as such had been subjected to some of the most extravagant fare that anyone within the whole world had ever seen. And yet that morning spent in a hole-in-the-wall restaurant in some back-alley of the Earth Kingdom was hands-down the best meal she had ever tasted.

* * *

Suki had never felt so full before in her entire life. She had been taught to keep her body light and mobile, taking in only as much as it needed in order to be ready for anything should the need arise. Gorging on food for the sake of it was something alien to her.

Mai seemed to find it amusing, especially when it became clear that the more she forced on Suki, the more inclined Suki felt to finish her food. She should have been angry, but then she figured that she probably would have done the same thing to Mai out of amusement, so she let it go.

Mai herself seemed able to really pack it away. Suki was watching in silent awe as the older girl ordered dish after dish, grinning in catlike amusement as the waitstaff tripped over themselves to serve their table. Despite ordering enough food for an entire day, Mai seemed quite able to eat it in one sitting, looking as calm and casual as ever as she did so.

"Royal feasts," she said, raising a brow and smiling wider. "Usually they can last over ten courses. I've built a high tolerance for vast amounts of food."

"You should be three hundred pounds," Suki replied flatly.

"And yet, I am not," was the mysterious reply, as the other girl dug right into a plate of deep-fried dumplings without so much as wincing.

Aang sided with Mai. He was still nursing the first glass of sake in between his own meals, taking bird-like bites between sips. "There was a monk I knew once, when I was small and he was older, who was as big as a brick house. He was _huge_ ," and here he threw out his arms and gesticulated with fervor. "And he ate and ate and ate and ate. And yet there was also _another_ monk who was tiny, and _he_ ate almost as much and never grew outward _ever_." He lowered his arms slowly. "I think it's a metabolism thing, since we all had the same workout."

Suki faintly noted that Aang's eyes held a certain glassy quality to them, and wondered if the eighteen-year-old had was a lightweight.

"Oh! And do you want to know what we called the guy?" Aang's face broke into a horribly sly grin. "We called him the Brick Sh-,"

"Language, Avatar," Mai chided casually, waving a finger at him. He went red and shut up, but he still wore the grin.

Suki decided this was going on for long enough. "This is very stimulating conversation," she broke in sarcastically, "but haven't either of you wondered why we've all ended up being thrown together like this? And Aang," she reached over and grabbed the sake, "it's way too early for you to be drunk."

Mai and Aang exchanged another silent but meaningful glance, one that Suki let herself linger over. The glance spoke of intimate knowledge, of shared pain that both still felt but were desperate to ignore. It make Suki feel bad for what she said, since she was lucky enough to have had a year to deal with her pain, but she didn't take it back. She _never_ took her words back.

Mai was, predictably, cold. "What do you want from us, Suki? Some glorified explanation for fate and broken hearts? Who cares? The fact is that at this moment, all three of us need each other. Isn't that enough?"

Suki felt her cheeks warm up in embarrassment, but Aang apparently also had something to add. His eyes looked very blank, as if he was fighting with everything he had to keep them that way. He gave her a long look, then looked at Momo and scratched him under the chin. "There is no such thing as coincidence," he said finally. "I learned that very young. We're all here because we need to be. And right now, I wouldn't want to be anywhere else."

And to Suki's relief, the blank look went away, and was replaced with warmth as he smiled. "We're all hurting right now," he concluded. "Let's hurt in a way that helps."

There was a pause, occasionally broken by Mai slurping on something.

Then, Aang held out his hand and made a sad-face. "Can I have my sake back, now?"

Suki held it away and handed it to the next waiter that passed by.

* * *

The three left the restaurant with slow steps, considerably heavier than they had ever been. Aang was a little confused by this sort of feeling, since he made it a habit of avoiding rich food to keep his steps light. And yet, the feeling of soothing elation he felt in addition to this heaviness was welcome. He wondered if that was why his fellow monks always overate.

As they walked, he noticed that the town was much more awake than it had been; the streets were crowded with dozens of people, most of them making time to stop and gawk at their little procession.

Mai found it scoff-worthy. "What, they don't have anything better to do than to stare at us?"

"Consider the company you keep," Suki added lightly, placing a warm hand on Aang's shoulder and squeezing. He smiled; she said it in a way that called attention to his status, but at the same time acknowledged that he was still just Aang to them. He had always like that about Suki.

Mai snorted, shooting a cold look to a random person, who blanched and dashed away. "We're just people. They need lives."

And there was something that Aang liked about Mai: her ability to calmly state the obvious as well as smoothly deflect the topic from sensitive matters. He suspected it was the politician in her. "Well, then, my esteemed company," he joked, giving the two women a little mocking bow. "Where shall we go now?"

Mai shrugged. Suki seemed to think about it. "Well, there are really only a few places we can go that isn't... _tainted_ ," she added the last word with a look of frustration.

Aang thought about it for a moment - really thought about it. What Mai was saying was actually quite true; most of their regular places that they liked to enjoy were thick with the smoke of unwanted memories. They couldn't even go to Iroh's teashop without making sure it was in the clear, first - something that Aang _really_ didn't have the stomach for right now.

In fact, now that he had to think of it, there were very few places in the _whole world_ that didn't give him some faint memory of Katara. When things had slowed down, he had been eager and excited to show her as many new and exciting places that he had seen a hundred years ago that everything was probably left untouched.

He felt a tugging in his heart, one that ached and writhed deeply. _This isn't fair... I should just go_ home...

But even home wasn't a safe haven.

A thought suddenly occurred to him, one so simple that he felt like an idiot. "The monks used to say that, by avoiding suffering, you only make accepting it - which is inevitable - much worse, for you just spend the time building up the pain. It's better to embrace it, accept it, and use it to grow."

Just saying the words aloud helped him relax, just a bit. The women beside him were silent, however: Mai looked blank, while Suki seemed to be thinking about it.

"I think what he means is," Suki said finally, "that by running away from the memories, we're just going to make it hurt more. We should just deal with it."

"Yes, I know that," Mai answered, her voice tense. "I'm not an idiot. But it stinks. I don't want to. Can't we just spend the rest of the day in happy little denial? We can do the spiritual crap later."

Suki went pink, but Aang laughed a little. "Yeah, I kind of agree," he admitted. "I think both sound like good ideas."

"Is there any place that we can go?" Suki wondered, rubbing the back of her neck in embarrassment.

Aang considered. He really had to think about it, before the idea popped into his head, fully formed, and he smiled. "Yeah, I know where to go."

 


	4. Alone With Others

"Woooow...!"

Suki's slow exhalation of the world seemed to convey Mai's inward thoughts completely, though she wouldn't admit it unless she was forced to. With a calm stance and her hands in her sleeves, she made sure that she looked as if she was unaffected by the pristine scenery before them. Despite this, however, even _she_ couldn't keep a tiny smile from her lips.

"Yeah," she agreed softly, "that's putting it mildly."

They had spent most of the day on Appa's back, flying through the air and very quickly turning Mai off of any kind of flying without ceilings whatsoever. They had occasionally landed once and a while for food and drink and other more pressing needs, but for the most part, their time was spent in the air.

Mai had honestly thought that the trip would never end. They just kept flying - and flying and flying - and it was growing not just tiresome, but _boring_. It was only when she realised with a funny little start that she suddenly _had no idea where she was_ , and the fact that she felt absolutely _elated_ by this confirmation of being lost, that she realised that maybe the flying wasn't so boring after all.

For a while, Aang had Appa circle around what looked like a wide expanse of brown and grey. Mai had puzzled over this, but kept quiet, unsure if she should find it familiar or not. But then she thought, _Aang's a nomad; he knows the world better than anyone else upon it._ So stayed silent, waited it out - and was rewarded.

Appa had landed on a tall expanse of sheer brown rock, a large almost-mountain that seemed determined to scrape the sky with its single finger. Mai had slid off the saddle and figured that the view would be as boring as the trip, but was pleasantly surprised to see that the scenery that yawned beneath them was lush and green, a valley riddled with untouched land with crisp streams and rivers like blue ribbons threading through it. The sky seemed to hug this close, and there were several other rockfaces that enclosed the valley into something almost private.

It was truly stunning.

Aang walked over beside them, smiling wide. "I used to come here all the time when I needed to think, even as a kid," he explained. "When Appa was big enough to carry me, we would explore anywhere we could without getting into trouble. This was one of the places I found."

"You mean that it stayed the same for a century?" Suki blinked, looking stunned.

Aang laughed a bit. "No, of course not. Things are definitely different. But, essentially..." He gazed outward, his eyes focusing on a far-off point. "Essentially, it's the same."

Mai looked away, trying to find the same kind of solace that Aang was obviously finding. She did find it breathtaking, but it wasn't something she could get lost in.

 _Especially when the first thing I thought was, "I would love to picnic with Zuko here..."_

"Hey, Aang," Suki's voice broke into Mai's gloomy reverie. "This is a personal place, right?"

Mai looked up, and found that Aang was doing the same. His eyes were dark, the smile gone. "What do you mean?" he wondered, his voice edged with some suspicion.

Mai knew where she was going, and shot a glare to her, hoping to telegraph her "back off" thoughts, but either Suki didn't get it or she didn't care. "I mean, this is a place only you've been to, right? Katara hasn't been here before, right?"

 _Augh_ , Mai thought, fighting the urge to throw something sharp at her friend.

* * *

The single name seemed to weigh upon all three of them, but Suki found herself cold on the manner. Yes, the sight was beautiful, and yes, it was really sweet of Aang to bring them here, but why were they still skirting over the issue?

The shared avoidance that Mai and Aang seemed to hold close irritated her, as if they were pretending that the entire upheaval of their lives wasn't happening as they stood. The fact that they both seemed content to not talk about it was annoying her - although why, she couldn't quite figure out.

The silence stretched on too long for her taste. "Well, did you? I thought you wanted to go to a place that wasn't thick with memories."

Mai glared, her eyes blazing so bright that they seemed to hold a fire all their own. Aang's dark expression didn't change, but when he answered, his voice was tight. "It's kind of hard _not_ to find a place that has a memory of Katara. I travelled the whole world with her by my side. This was the only place I could think of that would be the least hurtful."

"But it still hurts, doesn't it?" Suki pressed, staring at him. For some reason, she wanted to push him. She wanted him to _show something_. She was tired of his stonewalling, of his refusal to admit that things _weren't_ okay, nor were there normal. And she also found Mai's encouragement of this horrible.

"Of course it still hurts," Aang answered bleakly, not at all the way Suki wanted.

"Then why aren't you even _reacting?_ " she snapped. "Why would you bring us here at all? Why are you just acting like things are normal? They're _not_ , Aang. Katara is with Zuko, not you! Why don't you care?"

Mai apparently had had enough. She strode over to Suki as soon as Zuko's name was spoken, stopping inches from her face. Suki felt a flash of memory, of fighting with this capable woman and being brought down alongside her women. The feeling only added to her - she knew - irrational frustration.

"Back off," Mai hissed, her breath almost hot in Suki's face. "You're picking a fight, and you shouldn't be. You're talking about things you know _nothing_ about. Stop."

"I know nothing?" Suki spluttered in reply. " _I_ know _nothing_? I don't know what it's like to be cheated on, to be left in the dark for years? I don't know what it's like to be abandoned by the one person I loved deeper than my own career? I don't know what it's like to realise it happened without me even knowing it?"

"If you know, then shut your mouth," Mai answered, her eyes hard, not at all looking affected by Suki's words. That just annoyed her even more.

"At least I'm willing to talk about it! At least I'm willing to be honest with myself, honest with the people around me, about how I feel!" Her voice was high-pitched, now. She felt desperate, determined to not be the only one feeling sad and upset by this. "Both of you are too busy swallowing your own bitterness that you aren't even noticing how you're choking to death on it!"

"And what do you suggest we do?" Aang's voice broke in, still in that frustrating, flat voice. "Break apart? What can be done about it, Suki? It's done, it's over, and all we can do now is keep going."

She looked over Mai's shoulder at him, ignoring the older girl's steady glare. "Try showing some emotion," she answered.

Mai started to move closer, her hands now in her sleeves. Instinctively, Suki followed her movements, making sure that she would not be caught off-guard. She met eyes with Mai again, only to quickly jerk back and wince. Mai's eyes were furious, but they were wet. Her face was dark, pulled into a grimace of pure rage – almost like hatred – and her teeth were clenched together. But those eyes were wet. It chilled Suki to the core.

"You want us to feel bad?" Mai wondered, her voice still an angry hiss. "You want us to wallow in our misery, bury ourselves in our pain? You want us to suffer right along with you when all _we_ want is to keep moving? What's wrong with you?"

Aang was at her side in a moment, shaking his head. "I don't think she meant it like that," he admitted, sounding tired.

"I didn't," Suki agreed, but Mai shook her head. "You did. You meant it and you still mean it. Misery loves company and all of that, right? Well, what if I don't want to be sad? What if I just want to be angry?"

"Burying your emotions won't solve anything!" Suki protested. "Especially when you use another emotion as an excuse!"

"And so what, we should be like _you,_ and abandon our country and mope around in foreign cities?" Mai sneered. Her words were like acid and they stung, biting deep down into Suki's core.

"Come on, don't do this," Aang broke in, but his voice sounded so blank and so tired that instead of helping, it only made things worse.

"Do what?" Mai wondered sarcastically, her eyes still on Suki. "Call her out? Tell the truth? Why shouldn't I?"

" _You're_ the one who left your country behind, your family behind, for the sake of your own broken heart!" Suki answered. "At least I waited a year before I left! I made sure things were covered before I left! You just abandoned everyone!"

" _I_ didn't have a choice. Everywhere I looked, there were sad eyes _staring_ at me, eyes that showed only one thing: _pity_. I won't be pitied for something that isn't even my fault. I am a good wife! I did everything I could!" By now, she was shouting, her voice breaking on the word 'wife'. Suki closed her mouth, stunned. "I sat at Zuko's side, supported him, loved him, did _everything_ for him! I gave up my freedom and my own personal desires to make him happy and to be by his side! I forgave him _everything_! And he repays me with _this?"_

The tears ran down her face, but she didn't notice. Her eyes were on Suki's, her face crumpled into a grimace of hurt. Suki's anger flickered and died out, extinguished at once.

* * *

Aang stayed quiet during this exchange, watching Mai lose control and let loose her emotions. When he was younger, he had always envied her cool personality, her ability to never wear her emotions on her sleeves. She was a perfect foil for Zuko's excitability, a calm pillar for him to lean on in times of strife. But now, he saw that even Mai had her limits, and once again he found himself envying her for a different reason. No matter how hard he tried, no matter how much he knew that Suki was right and that he probably _should_ feel something, his emotions wouldn't respond to his own personal logic.

Everything she was saying was _true_. Aang himself had been a recipient of very similar glances, even from his best friends, and he was sick of it. It possibly hurt more than the actual source of his pain.

Even when he was younger, he always considered himself above allowing his emotions weigh him down. When faced with the gruesome reality of being the last of his race, he had a moment of pure angst before being able to lock that emotion away to nurse in private. When the weight of the world grew heavy upon his thin shoulders, he tried to make a game out of it, all while privately wondering when his time would finally run out. He had been through things no one his age ever should have to face, and yet he always managed to keep optimistic, even when everything seemed lost.

So why were things different now? Why had his reserves suddenly dried up? Why did he look at his two friends, see their tears and hear their agony, and feel nothing? Why couldn't he react, why couldn't he join in? Suki was, in a way, right in her accusations. And yet if he knew this, why couldn't he change?

"You're right," Suki was saying, her voice barely above a whisper. "I'm sorry. You don't deserve any of that. None of us do." Her eyes flicked to Aang, and he saw eyes that were sad, but not pitiful. "I keep forgetting that there are marriages on the line, here."

"Just one," Aang said dully. "Katara didn't want to get married. Now I know why."

Mai was rubbing her cheeks with one sleeve, her moves jerky. "I bet she planned this all along."

The comment was spoken offhandedly, but it bit deep all the same. "No, I really don't think that's right," Aang answered sharply. "I don't think that's it at all. I think she and Zuko had always had that kind of connection, and it really didn't solidify until after the war, when there was finally time to think."

"And that makes it all better," Mai answered, her voice dripping with bitterness. Suki pressed her lips together tight, obviously wanting to say something, but keeping herself silent all the same. Aang suddenly wished she _would_ say something, if it meant getting of this topic.

"Weren't _you_ the one that suggested that running from our pasts only makes things worse?" Mai went on, not looking at either of them. "Aren't you doing that right now?"

"No," he said softly, struggling to catch his breath. "I'm not running. I'm just stating fact. I'm accepting things as they are."

"Why?" Suki suddenly blurted out. "Are you okay with them?"

"No." The word bubbled out of his mouth before he could call it back. With its release came a sudden rush of frustration that he thought he had killed, making it even harder to breathe. "No, of course I'm not okay with them. Of course I'm not okay with my best friend and my girlfriend being together. I love them both, but … why did they have to betray me like _this_? Why couldn't they have just _told_ me? How hard was it, anyway?"

He felt like he couldn't think anymore. All he could see was red. All he could feel was a tight squeezing within his breast.

"I feel the same way," Mai broke in, her voice husky with emotion. It was all she said, but those simple words were like a speech to Aang, really. Suki was nodding, her eyes downcast. He looked at them both, saw their shared misery and sorrow, and was sorry. Wordlessly, he moved closer to them and held out his arms, not quite sure what either woman would do with such an offer. But, to his delight, they both moved in close, their previous disagreement with each other forgotten, and as if it was planned, the three hugged each other tightly, a mix of anger and tears exchanged between them. The heavy silence was broken occasionally by a sniffle, a sob, or a sound from Appa and Momo.

Until Suki said, her voice chiding and slightly muffled from Mai's shoulder, "I _told_ you it was better to talk about it."

Aang laughed, the sound so abrupt and so real it surprised him. He felt the tears spring to his eyes, hot and shocking, but he let them come. With each tear that dropped to the ground and blurred the sight of his two friends staring at him in surprise and – dare he admit it? – hope, the vise in his chest loosened just a bit.

When they joined him – Suki almost right away, Mai tentatively and only with small chuckles – his heart felt as light as a feather.

He wasn't alone, not anymore. They _would_ get through this. There is always room to forgive. It's hard, but it _would_ come. In the meantime, he had these two with him, who knew how it felt, and that helped him, more than he ever thought it could.


End file.
